Now, in my defense, my house hold has not had a “normal” week since January 5th when I returned from sweet-sweet paradise. Between the freeze, the flood, (see my piece about my attempt at Marilyn Monroe), a pouty-sick child and really- yes- the cat with a bit butt….I was kinda having a difficult time remembering that I had just finished packing my bag to leave after work. My husband leans in to kiss me good bye and says with those puddly brown eyes, “I will miss you.” I realized in that moment, I had successfully avoided with chaos and nerva-citement. I….was going to meet Brené Brown and my baby brother for the first time.
I wrapped all my loose moments in how fabulous I needed to look and what I was going to say. I toggled in my mind between thoughts of realizing how much I consider Brené my Guru in this season of life and worried about making small talk with my brother whom I know so little about. For me, I would really like to know both of these people and have a genuine relationship with them. But the fact remains that neither may ever happen. What is even more strange, I know more about, Brené, this person who in many ways is as elusive to me as the inner workings of the television I watch her on.
So day ONE of the Daring Way™ training begins and we all meet HER. She is as impressive and emotionally beautiful as I envision her in my mind. I am in awe (and a little embarrassed) when she asks us to be her safe place to fall. I want to swoon like a little girl and beg for her autograph Damn It!! But, in the end, I tell myself we are ALL human and seek out ways to balance out my vision of her with our common humanity.
Then like the crashing-smashing SHAME WAVE of Catherine, I get an email from my sweet puddle of a husband:
Thinking of you. Love.
With this video attachment (watch it now):
Holy CRAP! I start sniffling as I try to listen to the music next to one of my group members during a break. In that moment, I was called back to what really matters in my life. Brene who? Brother- what?
Brené told the story of the lantern, a signature piece of visual material for The Daring Way™ process. While we work endlessly at keeping the flame in our own lives lit, it is those that have truly earned the right to know our story that will cup their own hands around our light to ensure it continues to shine.
Of course, what I wanted to do was fly upstairs, pack my bag and run- literally- all the way home from San Antonio to his arms. I wanted to tell him I hoped he would forgive me for making other people and cats with bit butts more important than him. Sometimes, when my light feels dim, and even in a time of the high flame of nerva-citement, there he is- cupping his hands around my light. Consistently. Endlessly.
I might want either of the people I came here to meet to be in the circles of my life, but there will always be just a select few that sustain the flame.
So, to all my lamplighters- you know who you are- you are way awesomer than any celebrity or any person who does not know my story. And the one person who gets to see me, every day, as the tender-hearted little girl that I am….is ~MY D.