Mother of Dragons For Mother’s Day

Worth a Second Look….Happy Mother’s Day to Every Human Nurturer ❤

Transformative Trauma

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I think of myself as a rather thoughtful and kind person. Yes, I am well aware that my sassiness might blind you to these facts from time to time…..but they do exist. However, when it comes to Mother’s Day, I have been stuck in a SUCK tunnel.

Before becoming a mother I am sure I made plates of burnt toast and construction paper cards, followed by cheese ball Mother’s Day Cards (I dunno, ask my mother). Then I brought home my beautiful baby girl on Mother’s Day nine years ago and looked forward to breakfast in bed and gifts I (usually) requested from my BFF’s jewelry store. If we are not uniquely acquainted, everyone should have a BFF that is a jewelry designer….Just Sayin’.

But over this past year, something has sprouted within me and has been vining around my pretty little heart. The weeks leading up to this…

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The Fault in My Scars

In Others' Words...

On the girl’s brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.

Chris Cleave, Little Bee

There is a scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams’ character, Sean Maguire, has Will cornered and he has his social services file in his hand. They talk about the abuse Will suffered as a boy, and…

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Law of the wild

In Others' Words...

My hands are shaking as I write this.

I am noticing a recurring theme in some of the comments and emails I have been receiving, and I think it needs to be addressed.  Like, immediately.

It seems as though we’ve decided there is a hierarchy of victims.  I’ve talked about this before, regarding our rape culture.  This is different.  I mean, we- as victims of sexual abuse- have decided this.  About OURSELVES.

Typing that makes me feel a little sick to my stomach.

Just within the past week, I have had two emails from women telling me their stories, stories which are remarkably similar and are, unfortunately, becoming increasingly familiar to me.

I have yet to hear a story of sexual abuse that doesn’t involve shame.  It is the singular unifying theme- there is no surprise there, sadly.  But there is a subset of stories within our collective tale…

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Bringing up a Bodhisattva: Establishing the Path to Enlightenment

because, turtle

In Buddhism, there is an attainable state called Bodhisattva, where the practitioner reaches a point where they have a sudden and spontaneous desire to attain Buddhahood to benefit all other sentient beings. They are driven by compassion and bodhicitta, the awakened mind. It is the wish to replace others suffering with bliss.

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My Messy, Beautiful Life- Me And My Masscott

Phoenix Rising 2015 Coming Your Way….Here’s To Showing Up and Allowing Yourselves to Be Seen, especially with our beautiful children ❤

Transformative Trauma

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I understand there are some things we want to protect our children from for as long as we can. But for me, my daughter does not get to know who I am without knowing my story. If I practice authenticity, even though sometimes with haphazard grace, the most important person I can practice with – is my daughter Lyra. I am an adult trauma survivor. I was sexually abused for many years as a child, some occurred while I was eight, the same age as my beloved Lyra is now. I have written about this part of me for many years now. How could I share it with the world and not her?

We began talking about this as early as three years old. Understanding what I do, both personally and professionally as a marriage and family therapist, it is never too young to start “The Talk.” I am imagining…

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You May Wonder Why? Phoenix Rising

Transformative Trauma

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You May Wonder Why?

It would be inhuman of you to not ask the question at times, Why? Why, Alicia, are you doing this? Why put yourself out there in such a vulnerable way– use your life and family in such a public way to talk about the taboo of sexual trauma? Again, I would expect you, from time to time, to wonder…..Why?

And all I can answer to myself when I ask this very question is because I must. I cannot say that is rational nor wise. There are times when I am stung by my choices and I desperately want to gobble them all back. Then I return to my fundamental reasons. If I am ever to make meaning of the sexual horror I have endured, I MUST be a vehicle for change in my community. I have to cut a little slice out of shame and douse…

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You May Wonder Why? Phoenix Rising

FullSizeRender

You May Wonder Why?

It would be inhuman of you to not ask the question at times, Why? Why, Alicia, are you doing this? Why put yourself out there in such a vulnerable way– use your life and family in such a public way to talk about the taboo of sexual trauma? Again, I would expect you, from time to time, to wonder…..Why?

And all I can answer to myself when I ask this very question is because I must. I cannot say that is rational nor wise. There are times when I am stung by my choices and I desperately want to gobble them all back. Then I return to my fundamental reasons. If I am ever to make meaning of the sexual horror I have endured, I MUST be a vehicle for change in my community. I have to cut a little slice out of shame and douse it with all the compassion and empathy I know every victim deserves.

So, I cannot rest. I cannot rest until all of my life has been used up supporting, loving and sometimes cussing and pissing people off in the hopes of ending sexual violence.

Occasionally, I wish the drive did not exist, but it pushes me like a mule. Only my consistent self-care practices keep it in check.

Today, we stand again at the precipice of the 3rd Annual Phoenix Rising Race. I still think, even in the third year, that I have lost my mind to take on such a major undertaking. The ‘who do you think you are?’ gremlins take up some real estate upstairs as I take each step towards our goals again.

Yet—Here We Are. In 2015, when sexual violence continues to plague our country, we have one, YES- JUST ONE- person who serves full time at the Crisis Line (our race beneficiary) in a full time position to support those who have been terrorized by sexual crimes in our community. This must change in order for our community to change.

I ask you to support me in controlling my mule that pushes me ever forward. Show Up- Be Present- and support us in the Phoenix Rising. We have such a long way to go to making sexual violence a conversation we are even willing to openly have. Joining this race is one way we can begin to meet the challenge and one day have a funeral for sexual trauma. I would be so very happy to get dirty and bury that in the ground.

But first, I will need your help.

Register. Volunteer. Give. Show UP. Repeat.

Saturday, April 11, 2015 @ 6:00 pm

It will take time, but as my hero Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “We must help time along.”

Come and join us because one day I pray we win our freedom over sexual violence. And we will—One Step At a Time.

                                         LIVE.OUT.LOUD.