
Jessica Simpson- Cherry Blossom Peep Toe

Jessica Simpson- Cherry Blossom Peep Toe
One place I struggle with expressing myself is in offering gratitude. I often think all day long about how some outfit looks great on someone or expressing my thanks to someone. It may seem odd, but it is a place of vulnerability. We often do not know if another person will brush us off or openly accept our gifts. I am working on this. So today, I share with you a letter I recently sent to my BFF and office manager in an ongoing effort to let her know how much I appreciate her presence in my life. Writing it has prompted me to consider other people who need to her my words of thanks. I think we often are gracious, but without intention. This is my way of committing to you my increased intentionality around my work with joy. Without gratitude, joy is difficult to experience. I challenge you today to take your gratitude work and create intention. I am working on my next letter and will share with you here soon……
September 2013
Dearest Anne,
Four years ago, we chatted while I was in Tennessee at the Carnegie Hotel about the possible future of us working together. We were open and honest about not knowing what we could initially offer one another, nor were we sure about what the future would hold. We agreed to try it out and see if it made sense. Here we are, four years later, living in different states, have had three different therapists with us and a mound of insurance knowledge and struggle. I realize that my career dreams would not have become what they are without you.
Despite the fact that when all is said in done, I am (suppose to be) the “boss” and I know I can be a controlling tyrant in different moments, the truth is that you decided to take a chance on me. You agreed to play a role in the future of this business and with out fail, have given yourself fully. You agreed to buy into what could have been just another silly dream. You made the commitment to be apart of something that gives to all of us and our community every day. Every time I step back from what we have accomplished, I am in awe and experience such rich joy in knowing that we have collectively created something that is meaningful and thriving.
In the past, the idea of not knowing every aspect of this business made me want to jump out of my skin. Now, when Angie and Shaun ask me a question they think I should know, I don’t worry when I recognize that you have that piece of knowledge and I do not have to know every detail. I do not fret over the details of who is a best fit and how to make sure we maintain the type of reputation necessary for our work to thrive in a business that is driven by confidentiality and the need to create emotional safety.
You are the face of our business. Just in how you chose to work with every client makes my job so much easier. That initial call for every client is tough and what you do in those few moments you spend with them begins the process of creating the safe environment that we are all committed to.
Above all, we started out as familiar acquaintances, and today, I call you one of my best friends. When we started working together, we realized that we had the same kooky and dark sense of humor, could laugh at ourselves and with each other over silly things only we find funny. I am always grateful I can talk to you about what ever is on my mind without judgement or negative criticism. I am in awe of how we can so easily say to one another, ‘I wouldn’t do that shit if I were you’ and know that if we still do, we won’t make each other feel bad for it.
How does one luck up on a business manager and a best friend? I am sure I don’t know.
I wish I could give you more: more time, more money, maybe one day, a real shredder……what ever you needed. But today, in this letter, I offer you what I consider my most precious gift: my confidence in you. I BELIEVE in YOU. Thank you for sustaining me as my business manager and as my friend. I grow in gratitude as the years go by.
In Love and Trust,
Alicia G.
Recent Monthly News Interview: 13WMAZ
I have committed most of my adult life to my growing edges. Despite the painful realizations that come with learning about an area that needs growth, I am eventually grateful after much kicking, screaming and (possibly) a few self loathing, angry rants. Needless to say, the growing edge I am about to share with you – is far from being done with me. It may never end. Blech! is all that comes to my mind.
Many months ago I spent a day out with my friend and at the end of the day I saw that she posted on FaceBook (Yes- it really is the devil sometimes) that she felt she needed to be more positive and stop focusing on saying so many negative things. Of course, I was concerned I may have been playing a part in speaking from a negative place and frankly felt it was right. But- of course, I didn’t really want to listen and allowed myself to get distracted by the next pretty FaceBook picture.
Then, another event. A few weeks ago I was hanging out with other friends. I made many different judgements about the game, what the band and others were wearing and told several personal stories about how other people were not self aware while, I, obviously was. My friends laughed at my “jokes” and agreed with me on the problems that other people had. More than half way through the evening it just hit me. I can’t say if it was the way my friends acted towards me- maybe they grew weary of my complaining and acting like I had all the answers. Maybe I could hear myself for the first time and all I heard was an egotistical whine that started making my head hurt. What ever it was, I quickly dove into a positive story of how a local waitress, who recognized me from my TV interviews, tried to pay for my lunch after she asked me a personal question. I simply encouraged her to listen to her intuition. But, was my happy-happy story just trying to ice a cake made out of mud?
Holy Shit! What kind of person do I think I am?? REALLY? I think I am SOOOOO special that I can call out- by name– other people and judge them? I was reeling from this realization and worse, out came the shame. I told no one for a week. I typically sustain my shame resilience by talking to my inner circle just as soon as possible. It had been a long time since I had considered growing shame by silence.
To give myself some credit, I have grown in this area immensely. Before waking up to my life and growing from victim to survivor, I was asleep. Hhuuucchheewww……HHhhuuuccchhheewwww…..I lived my life without clarity, compassion or connection. I wallowed in negativity and I was my own worst target. I participated in a level of self hatred that resembled an inner demon. Judgement was my middle name. I was an ugly person.
Here is how things tend to go now:
I have an interaction with a person or a system and it does not meet my expectations. I become angry and sometimes even enraged. I find someone that is safe, someone who has earned the right to know my story and then, I emotionally throw up all over them. I hop up and down believing those initial moments of anger give me the right to be judgmental. Judge. Judge. Judgy Pants. Whew! I can get on a roll if I let myself.
But I never stay there long. I work hard at watering my empathy and compassion. I put emphasis on expressing gratitude and like any good therapist, I reframe what has happened, seeking out the nugget of goodness that always exists. The struggle lies in that I have been such a strong believer that bottling up the frustration and anger is not in my best interest. But seriously, if you heard me, I sound like a self-righteous bitch. The truth is I am not better and the more I judge, the more I act like I am separate from others.
Finally, the week passes and I tell my spouse my revelation. And like much of the good wisdom I learn in life, he called me back to some of the Buddhist principles he actively works on himself. He told me that when I talked about what I was experiencing that to maintain what the buddhists call “right speech” and “right relationship” I would speak what I was feeling- what I was experiencing. It could relieve that struggle and keep me away from judging others. For example, someone does not follow through with an agreement. I can talk about feeling disappointed and hurt, even angry, but that every statement I made about what I perceived was true about them (and inevitably negative) was just an assumption. The only thing true is what I am feeling. Everything else is me ranting with my judgy pants on.
I am shaken. NOW WHAT DO I SAY? I thought my bestest friends were suppose to hear me bitch and moan. How do I successfully relinquish my feelings without judgement? I can’t keep acting like I am separate. Because the truth is I am separate from nothing and at any time, I could be that person that made that awful mistake. I have been that person that someone else is hopping up and down about to their best friend.
So I need a life line. I have studied and read and studied Brene Brown’s work. But if I could call her up and ask her to help me understand how she successfully gives up judgement, I would be a happy girl. Give me the formula (or better yet, an elixir)!
Among my favorite phrase’s of the beloved Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh is, “NO MUD, NO LOTUS.” So today, I might be making mud cake, but perhaps one day a lotus will bloom and I will experience more success in practicing loving kindness rather than judgement.


Check Out These Rockin’ Shoes my BFF recently purchased!
One morning, my colleague sent me an email and I could tell her blood was boiling. She was angry and hurt when she searched for her news article by using the word “therapy” in the Walton County Tribune and the first article below is what came up. Collectively, we took action and devised a response. This piece goes out to every person who has felt they could not speak or feel heard when their invisible wounds were bullied. My response will appear in the Sunday, September 29th Paper of the Walton County Tribune.
Michael Lynch Editorial From Walton County Tribune:
Disorders for Everyone, printed on July 20, 2013
My head hurts. Let me be clear, I mean this figuratively. I have to use this disclaimer in order to ensure that some new and exotic condition is not randomly assigned to me by an over-educated behavioral health specialist with little common sense.
Why do I say this?
Because of the following headline published this week: “Able-Bodied Woman Wants Surgery to Make Her Paraplegic.” That’s right — no typo here. A 58-year-old Colorado woman wants to have surgery so her legs will stop working. Why, you may ask? Because she has Body Integrity Identity Disorder.
I do not intend to demean mental illness, but it seems we have gotten to a point where any behavior or desire can be explained away by a new-found disorder. I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that each new disorder justifies an expensive new drug to treat it?
Two of my favorites are Seasonal Affective Disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder. With SAD it seems that some people are prone to experience less than optimal feelings during winter. Wait a minute — I think I may have SAD! Every winter I find myself wishing I were somewhere in the Caribbean and I thought those feelings were normal. Apparently I simply needed medication! Walgreen’s here I come.
The opinion on ADD or ADHD is a bit more contentious. I know parents who swear their child would be incapable of functioning without their ADHD medication. I remember a day not too long ago — let’s call it the 1970s — when the only medication needed was a healthy dose of the back of a parent’s hand. Amazing how little Johnny may be spastic one minute and a model child the next after a dose of “parental medication.”
As a secondary treatment for this disorder, my parents also engaged in a radical therapy known as “play.” During this therapy, they would send us outside to run around, get dirty, explore and expend energy. I don’t know if the World Health Organization has conducted any studies aimed at exploring why “play therapy” seems so effective in bringing down a child’s energy level. Perhaps they can obtain a grant to do so under the Affordable Health Care Act.
As previously stated, there should be no doubt that certain conditions exist. The problem arises when the conditions are applied haphazardly due to parents’ and clinicians’ ineptitude in diagnosing root causes for behavior. Does Sally have a pituitary problem? No, she has been consuming 42 Oreos each day for breakfast over the last two years!
Much like in other areas of our society, we are too eager to make excuses. We seem relieved when a fancy term can be applied to explain away what was normal behavior 30 years ago. Your homework for this week is to go to your parents or an older friend and ask them to smack you in the back of the head. Hard. Lord knows it can’t hurt.
A Response to Michael Lynch: Leave the Snarky Behavior to the REAL Professionals
My head hurts and I do not mean figuratively. I have to recognize that every time another person chooses to demean an educated behavioral health specialist, every human who has ever suffered from a real diagnosable mental health issue gets a smack to the head, causing me a mental headache. So here, a disclaimer should be noted that if you suffer from headaches and no other relatable symptoms, a neurologist and not myself, a mental health professional, would be the best fit.
Why Do I Say this?
Because headaches are only one accompanying symptom in a small number of major mental health disorders and a headache sufferer may have a neurological disorder disabling the brain from thinking clearly. A headache alone is not in the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM). I currently have clarity as to why my headache exists, but for many, professional advice from the correct medical provider may be warranted.
Sometimes our neurology can lead to unexplainable circumstances. A headline published in the Huffington Post on July 20, 2013, “Able-Bodied Woman Wants Surgery to Make Her Paraplegic.”
That’s right-no typo here. 58 year old Chloe Jennings, a chemist with a Ph.D, wants to have surgery so her legs will stop working. Why, you may ask? Because she has Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Oh But Wait, this is such a rare and unstudied condition, that it is ALSO not in the DSM. A mental health professional cannot diagnose this condition either. Okay, so another disclaimer: a mental health professional must practice including diagnoses within their area of competency. This diagnosis does not exist in the DSM. One reason may be that research that has been or currently are being conducted on this particular disorder has as few as 50 people, in comparison to thousands who have participated in studies about depression or anxiety disorders.
Anytime a person says that there is not intention to demean- the intention is out rightly demeaning. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings…..but” (I am going to anyway). It seems we have allowed ourselves to continue to perpetuate verbal violence against what we cannot physically see, like depression and anxiety, and feel justified in emotionally preying upon people who may not have the ability or the motivation to let their voice be louder than compassion and understanding.
Body Integrity Identity Disorder has been studied since at least the 1980’s so there is no “new-found disorder.” So despite just learning about it while internet surfing, I doubt that any drug company will bother marketing new drugs that affect such a small population that has been studied long before the internet could sensationalize anything.
Two favorite mental health diagnoses that people like to demean are people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). These are mental health disorders that people actually suffer from that can be found in the DSM. With SAD, people are prone to experience: a general malaise or lack of motivation, hopelessness, anxiety, socially withdraw from friends and family, oversleep regularly (also called hyper-somnia), loss of interest in activities, appetite changes with weight gain and difficulty concentrating. But wait, to have this diagnosis these symptoms (and I quote): have to significantly affect the persons ability to function on a daily basis.
Every fall and winter a person with SAD wishes they were no where but in their bed hiding out from the world. They wish the thoughts of just wanting to disappear would go away so they could have normal feelings again. For some, medication to help augment their disappearing happy neurotransmitters are necessary. A behavioral health professional would always say medication is never enough and therapy to create lasting healing and change are necessary. If a therapist believes medication is warranted a referral out to a psychiatrist would be appropriate here as only a physician can prescribe medications.
The opinion on ADD or Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder (ADHD) is a bit more complicated. First, each is a different disorder with different types of symptoms. A child or adult with ADD struggles with attention, focus and a level of distraction that affects their ability to cope and function on a daily basis. ADHD has these symptoms as well as the added component of hyperactivity. Children with this diagnosis cannot focus and lack impulse control beyond what a typical child (dependent upon age) may do. A child with these diagnoses have difficulty learning, they are labeled as the class clown and a trouble maker in school. They often are inappropriate, will hit, bite, scream and when the executive functioning of their brain feels overwhelmed can even self harm in an attempt to quell the excruciating pain they experience desperate to not act out in anger. There is no doubt this diagnosis and medication is over used, however, the over use of the “parental medication” of hitting a child’s head, as far back as the 70’s possibly, has what led us today to an entire government run department of family and children services. Children can now be removed from their parents care when the ongoing and inappropriate use of physical force leads to concussions and trauma as a result of a loved one mistreating their child. I know parents, teachers, physicians and extended family who know their child would be incapable of functioning without medication. If parents of unmedicated ADD or ADHD children were completely honest, they would have to admit they may unintentionally physically harm their child in an attempt to stop their children from participating in ongoing egregious behaviors.
A primary, not secondary treatment for ADD and ADHD is play therapy. Medication prescribed by a psychiatrist should again, augment the process, not be the cure. The main organization that studies this type of therapy is the Association of Play Therapy (APT). This world wide organization has been studying play therapy for the treatment of many types of disorders since its founding in the 1920’s. The primary goal of the affordable health care act is to provide health care, including mental health care to more people in the United States. Grant money is likely not available to the APT. As well, the primary goal of the World Health Organization is to examine how unhealthy diet and lack of physical activity increases chronic diseases. ADD or ADHD is not a disease and this organization does not recognize ADD or ADHD as a disease so would not be suitable in studying play therapy.
It is clearly being stated here, there are no doubts that real mental health disorders exist. The problem arises when the conditions are applied haphazardly by people who are not educated on the real facts of mental health. Let’s leave these diagnoses that are intended to communicate useful information to real experts. A parent knows when their child is suffering beyond the “normal” and clinicians can be present to guide parents, families and individuals towards genuine emotional health and stability.
If Sally does have a pituitary problem she should seek medical support from an endocrinologist, not a behavioral health specialist. If she has been consuming 42 Oreos every breakfast for the past two years and came for counseling, most therapists would want Sally to have a consult with a specialist like an endocrinologist before pursuing possible major mental health issues. Final disclaimer: in order to receive a mental health disorder, not only does a person have to meet a specified amount of criteria, but they must also safely rule out many other possibilities.
The use of mental health terminology in our daily life has led people to believe that they too can look up information on the internet and appropriately diagnose with fancy terms to make us all “crazy” or worse, that everyone else in society is the problem and we are the only people that behave normally.
Your homework this week….hell, your homework in this life: Choose to Learn Instead of Fear. I have the privilege in this moment to share the knowledge I have gained over the last 13 years as a therapist. No smack to the head is going to jar knowledge into it. Take the time to understand how we can use our gifts to encourage growth and change. I feel certain that Chloe Jennings and every human who has ever suffered would appreciate our understanding rather than our judgment.
Interesting Documentary: Difficult Images, watch with care.
My post about why dodgeball should be banned in schools has been very popular on Geek Alabama with many people not agreeing with me, I mean that is fine. But I don’t think students should be throwing something to hit other students. If you have not seen that post, click the link! http://geekalabama.com/2013/03/28/why-dodgeball-should-be-banned-in-schools/
If you think banning dodgeball is controversial, wait until I talk about the next thing I want banned from schools, it’s corporal punishment. Let the controversies begin!
Corporal Punishment is banned in mental institutions, prisons, and in the US Military. But somehow, this abusive form of punishment is still allowed in schools in 19 states that are mostly Republican led. The reasons why I think spanking should be banned is simple, no other adult should have permission to touch another student in the private parts, that includes the buttocks. There are plenty of videos on YouTube of…
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